A Pang of Pain

I saw her handwriting, her signature, I just had to run my fingers over it. I miss her. I miss Mom so much, After four years, you would think it wouldn't hurt so bad. Small things always pop up, on a daily basis.
I hear a song, I see a jewelry box, I smell the brewing of bean milk, even the color yellow bring her fresh to my yearning.

So many things don't matter until your loved one is gone.
Then all the small things matter.

They are like tumors that are always there, uncomfortable, but would swell and almost burst at the hint of a memory. They never go away, they may shrink for the moment, but in the blink of an eye, they explode and send pain, deep, intense pain in and out of your heart.

You instantaneously feel depressed, as if your body is exhausted and recovering from the sudden explosion. You collapse, stop what you are doing, all just to sit, and do absolutely nothing.
You stare into air, you remember.
You can't move, you can only think of her and know the vacant, deep void inside is all yours.

"I should be dead by now, the pain is so strong. How do I go on?" I amaze myself.

I miss you so much, why didn't I know how much I loved you when you were still with me? Everyday, I keep learning just that.
I learn that I still love you more today than yesterday.